30 November 2008


It may have finally happened.  I've been battling with Thomas over the whole potty training issue for what feels like forever!  If you put him on the potty he will pee, and recently, even though I vowed against it, he'll pee standing up.  It's hysterical to watch with him not quite being tall enough, but it makes peeing easier for him and he doesn't have to strip naked, which he usually does anyway.  The real battle with him has been over #2.  In the beginning we'd just follow a routine.  we'd put him on the potty when he woke up in the morning, before and after nap time, and before bath time.  We weren't concerned with weather or not he went in his diaper in the in between time, just about making him understand that going to the bathroom is just a regular part of the day.   Sometime he was really good and the diaper would be seemingly dry, other times I'd wonder how such a little kid could pee so much in one little diaper!  But he would never poop in the potty and we've been putting him on it for months.  There was that one time, but that was an accident and he was more surprised than anyone.  A couple of weeks ago we, however, we had a real breakthrough.  For an entire weekend, Thomas pooped on the potty.  Tom would see that he needed to go, put him on the toilet and there was great success.  So I thought we had finally turned a corner, how silly of me.  Come Monday morning, when Daddy was at work and just me was trying to get him on the toilet for #2 all hell broke loose!!!  That's when Thomas started to devise he newest trick, other than hiding from me when he was off pooping in his diaper.  He would fight, kick and scream and you would finally get him to sit on the toilet, rather than just stand there to pee.  He would make a tiny deposit and gleefully accept all his accolades and his special bag of m&m' he gets for not pooping in his diaper, then my little cherub would go off and finish the job in his diaper.  Oh what fun that was!  And that's how things went for awhile so I stopped fighting with him to get him to use the potty.  But when he did poop I wouldn't just up right away to change him, so maybe he'd start to see that using the toilet is a much better alternative than his pants.  
I slowly started to make some more little changes.  We live in a very small house with only one bathroom (we don't count the free standing toilet in the basement), so I moved his little potty seat out of the bathroom and put in down in the kitchen, just so he'd see that it didn't have to be a production when he had to go.  Around the same time Thomas stumbled upon an Elmo game online that when on about something like, when you got to go, go, and you can continue what you were doing when you're done.  Thomas loved it and starting talking about it all the time.  Keep in mind we have a whole bunch of potty books and videos that he could care less about, but Elmo apparently has the magic touch.  Since he was talking about it so much I decided to focus on peeing and teaching him to hold it until he was on, or in front of, the potty.  I had bought him Cars pull-ups months ago, another lame attempt to get him to use the toilet more, right up there with is camo and Spider-man underwear that also had no effect.  I decided it was time to try them again, but this time I made a game out of it.  The front of the diapers have either a Piston Cup or a helicopter on it that when you pee would disappear, and Thomas LOVED to make them disappear.  But I told him that if there were there whenever I checked he'd get a sticker, and low and behold, it worked!!  He even started showing me the front of his diaper and say, "See Mommy, there's still there!"  Through all this I also told him not to poop in the pull-up because honestly they're even more expensive than diapers.  He was doing a good job with all this, he even reached the point that after he'd pee on the potty he'd ask for a regular diaper afterwards since I guess he knew another deposit was coming. 
Over Thanksgiving(s) I had decided that I was just going to have to lie come time to sign Thomas up for preschool in February!  I was ready to tell them his was potty trained and when the first day of school rolled around I'd pray that he actually was potty trained or I'd lie though my teeth the first day he had an "accident".  I know, I'm a terrible mother =)
That was all until today, however.  This morning, Thomas asked where his potty was because, "I feel like I have to go potty."  So he he got himself set up and made a deposit!!!  Later in the afternoon he started to go in his pull up, but he feverishly ran to his toilet to finish up!  And just earlier, during his bath, he told his Daddy he felt like he had to go.  Thomas got out of the bathtub, waited for Tom to run downstairs and get his seat, and he pooped again!!!  

Looks like I might have to change the name of my blog soon =)

28 November 2008


I have officially been in the IVF process for a little over a month today.  When Tom and I first found out that IVF was our only option left to try and have more children, I was devastated.  My greatest fear for a very large part of my life was that I would be unable to have children.  I had an idiotic doctor once who told me I'd have problems just based on my Mother's difficulties to have me.  Then, along came Thomas.  I thought what fools doctors are while I cradled my beautiful like boy in my arms.  Fast forward two years, to when I'm "ready" to have another one and I have my ectopic.  My ectopic was by no means fun, and I know that Ectopic pregnancy remains the leading cause of pregnancy-related death in the first trimester of pregnancy.  However, my doctor led Tom and I to believe that there would be no issues with my remaining tube and getting pregnant.  Oh how wrong he was.  Without going into too much horrid details here,  without major surgery that would put me in bed for six weeks, with a colostomy bag for my healing time, and the possibility of needing one for the rest of my life, and the whole thing  not even necessarily working, IVF is our only option.  Cost aside, it took me a long time after finding out that it was our option to determine if it was an option for me.  My deciding factor was one afternoon a few weeks after we found out, Thomas woke up from his nap and opened the gate at the top of the steps all by himself.  In the course of six seconds my brain went through the following thoughts, "I guess we can take the gate down, since Thomas obviously can get down here without it.  Oh, I'll just leave it up for the next kid.  Oh wait, I can't have anymore kids."  Then I started to cry.  It was at that moment I realized the thought of not having any more children upset me much more then IVF made me uncomfortable.  After my decision I had to wait a month before I could start my monitoring month.  The month leading up, I was a mess.  When I was in a good mode, I was okay with my decision.  When I was upset, about anything, and that was pretty often, I would start to doubt and worry and make myself even more of a  mess.  Surprisingly, once the monitoring month started I was OK.  I figured the day I started I'd have a panic attack and spend the day curled up on my bathroom floor, but I was OK.  I guess the fear of the unknown was making the waiting hard, not what I was waiting for.  My monitoring month was pretty easy, I guess they can monitor from afar.  I took birth control for a couple of weeks, to make me more regular, and then I started my lupron ejections, to put me into medical menopause.  I was told by one of my nurses that lupron is the "evil" drug.  It causes all the things that make menopause fun, acne, weight gain, hot flashes and the mecca of side effects, mood swings.  I was very worried about what the lupron would do to my mood.  Tom and I even came up with a safety word he could yell at me if I really started to loose it.  So every morning I would wake up and give myself 10 units of Lupron in my upper thigh.  Well, the first few days Tom gave me the actually shot.  I had set everything up but was too afraid to stick it in.  Tom did an excellent job, and within a couple of days I was able to do the whole thing myself.  After a few days I was impressed by how well I was holding together.  I had a couple of hot flashes, but I was actually feeling like I was in better control of my mood, I felt more even.  After a week on the drug I had my first doctor appointment and I did not get good news.  I had developed 10 cysts and they had to double my dose.  So much for my monitoring month being over and simulation starting the next day.  My daily routine continued for another week, only now I'm was taking 20 units.  Still my mood was okay, and I realized that my hot flashes were less if I didn't get aggravated.  A week later I had another appointment and the news was even worse.  Most of the cysts had gone away but one got gigantic.  Apparently, this was all normal-ish.  It has happened to women before and both the nurse and doctor assured me that this by no means means I can't do IVF it just means they have to switch things up.  It turns out that the Lupron was just passing right though me and not reducing my estrogen level like it's supposed to, hence the lack of insanity.  However, they need to get rid of all the cysts before they can continue the process.  Since my estrogen levels were still too high they decided to take the route where I have to go back on birth control and basically start from scratch.  But by the time I'd be ready to try a new menopause causing drug we'll be in the middle of December and that's when the office shuts down for two weeks for the holidays and there can be no embryo transfers during that time.  So what does that mean for me?  It means that IVF won't be starting for me until January of 2009, 2 1/2 months after the process has officially started and more than 3 months after I decided to do this in the first place.  I was hoping to be six weeks pregnant by then.  
If the waiting wasn't hard enough, my husbands entire family treating me with kid gloves just pushes me over the edge!  Guess what people, it I wasn't strong enough to get though all this  I wouldn't have chosen this option.  Just because you aren't strong enough, doesn't mean I'm not.  My biggest problem with this is you all treating me like I can't handle anything, and time.

I keep telling myself I'll be okay once I'm pregnant...

25 November 2008

I'm so proud of him!

Last night, when I went to check on Thomas before going to bed myself, I found one of his smurfs books under his head and his little book light on his nightstand.  When I left him after his story at bedtime, the book was on the nightstand and his book light was in the drawer.  I'd never have guesses that my three year-old would be staying up late to read, but he's obviously trying. 
I know he wants to be able to read and spell so bad.  Whenever we're out he reads out letters he sees and guess what they say.  I'm trying to help him as much as I can.  Yesterday, we went to Michael's and Thomas asked what store we were going into.  I said, "The one with the 'M'" to which he correctly pointed to, "that one?"  

I guess instead of pushing him so much with socialization and athletics, I should focus my efforts more on teaching him to read - the others will come eventually, at his own pace.  After all, during gym and swim class he can do what is asked of him but he's usually too busy checking out everyone and everything else to hear the request in the first place.  

He's allegedly good in his zoo class - allegedly because it's a "mommy free" class and his teachers always tell me he's so good.  But in this class he does what he loves - sucking in the entire world around him and the zoo is an amazing place for that! 

Now, the real question - How does a mom with a math background, who can barely read or spell herself (spell check is one of my best friends!), start to teach her son to read?  

This past week he thought he wrote his name on our chalkboard. H-O-T.  "Look Mommy, Thomas"  (he can't quite write the M, A, or S without help yet.)  I explained to him that he actually wrote 'hot' and then I wrote his own name out so he could see what it was supposed to look like.  Well later that week while having lunch with Daddy, Thomas says, "Look, hot!"  Tom and I searched the walls of the chotchkie restaurant we were in and there it was, a big, flaming sign that said HOT.  Since he took that one board experience so well, yesterday I broke out some old flashcards we used to use when he was learning to talk.  They have pictures and the word of the picture right under it.  i.e., a picture of a kite and then K-I-T-E under it.  We went though some and he sounded like quite the little spelling bee champ.  "Bird, B-I-R-D, Bird"  But what do I do other than that and read to him all the time like we already do?

Note:  Apparently, when Tom got home tonight and he went to check on Thomas, the book light was on at the foot of Thomas bed and Tom put it on the night stand.  My story still holds, he's just not old enough to turn the light off yet. =)

21 November 2008

Twilight - Spoiler Alert

Hey everyone! I haven't used this in a while, but let's give it another swing. I'm pretty much stealing this from an email I wrote earlier, but at least it's something, right?

So last night at 12:01, well actually 12:30 am, but I'm blocking that part out, I saw the new movie Twilight. I've been a big fan of the series since I started reading the first book, Twilight, in August of '07.

I LOVED IT!! and I'm honestly shocked that I did. I'm sure my friend Betsy was waiting for me to start yelling at the screen a la Indian Jones 4, but I was good. (well as long as you don't count the teenager I told to stick it, but give me a minute on that) I'll admit there were parts that I thought were cheesy and I didn't like how they seemed a little redundant trying to drive some points home, like how much he over-acted how bad she smelled or how he seemed a little odd sucking the venom from her at the end. I know there were more, but I'll remember more on more sleep and a second viewing. I really was expecting the worst. I absolutely hate it when really good books are destroyed on film. Cinder House Rules was an amazing book - the movie - shit soup. Ask anyone, and they'll tell you I hoped the movie didn't suck, but was pretty sure it was going to. So I think I was a pretty hard person to please and, for the most part, the movie did the book and, more importantly, the feeling the book gave me, justice.

There was one thought that I had a couple of time during the movie, and seems I wasn't the only one. Will people who haven't read the books get it? And I guess, from the reviews, they didn't. But honestly, how "serious" a movie can you have about two "teenagers" in love when one of them is undead?!?!? This review gives a total overview of all the reviews -not that I read reviews (don't even get me started on Babel?) I just think all the really bad reviews out there came from people who didn't get it.

One of my biggest disappointments was the meadow scene. If the fact that they just wandered away from school didn't bother me enough, what was with all the spinning camera "artistic" crap! That meadow plays such an important part in the the next book. What will she search for to prove that Edward was real if the spot he first glittered in is right up the hill from her school?

Biggest surprise for me - I really thought Kristen was going to suck, and not in a good way. Every time I saw a preview, I didn't think she did a believable job, but, excluding her babbling in the hospital bed, I was pleasantly surprised.

A friend pointed out that one of the problems that the movie might have had was that it is hard to capture the cheesiness of the book, good lovey, dovey cheesiness, without going over the top - maybe that's why it got so ripped up.

So about that teenager I may have been a bit snippy with...so Betsy, Cookie and I got to the theater just before 10. The plan was to pick up the tickets that Betsy got last week, and then go wander around to pass time until we could get into the theater. But it turned out that we could go into the theater right away. You know what that means - NO LINES!!! And honestly, I've spent enough of my life on line for Stephenie Meyers at this point!! So since were were there so early we got to pick THE MOST AMAZING SEATS EVER!!!! Dead center, and pretty close to the front, to Betsy's chagrin. We say right behind the handicapped section, so we had no seats in front of us, but still a bar to put our feet up on!!! And the most perfect part of that is that we cut off 1/4 of the teenagers we could be surrounded by, now they could only be behind us and next to us. I know I'm harping on the seat selection, but it's very important to the story and they were PERFECT!!! AND WE DIDN'T HAVE TO WAIT IN LINE FOR THEM!!! But anyway, at around 11:15 ish, remember, we've been there since 10, this girl asked us if we could all move down a seat!!!!!! Without missing a beat, I said, "We'd rather not, since we've already been here for an hour and a half" Now that doesn't sound like the worse thing I could have said but the girl made a face like I just told her to go f&*% herself and Betsy's mouth just opened, a gasp - So I guess I was a little bitchy about it =) But honestly, it's not like the theater was full, or we were asses and left one seat empty on the aisle. Betsy, having her wits about her after a second, pointed out that there were the 5 seats they were looking for right on the other side of us - so the girl I just told to stick it sat next to me for the whole movie. So am I the most terrible person in the world? I think I still have a lot a angst from the last time I waited on line for Ms. Meyers =)
So to sum up = read the book first, because honestly, it is amazing! Don't let all the teen drama surrounding it turn you off - some of my best friends are Twilight Moms =)