15 April 2009

The Transfer That Wasn't

So February 12, I started the drug from hell, Lupron.  I've been on this before, the doctors actually said it went through me like water and didn't do what it was supposed to do.  However, since I was doing a cryo-cycle they said the drug was supposed to serve a different purpose.  I was on the drug till around the 13th of March.  That's a whole month on the worse drug I've ever been on.  Why, you ask?  Well the worst part of it is that you don't realize how bad you are while you're on it.  I felt like I was losing my mind.  I was so moody and sad and I couldn't stand to be around anyone.  But since the doctors said that the drug had no effect on me I never really put two and two together.  It wasn't until a week off the drug that I started feeling better, and happier that I realized that it was the drug making me loopy.
So why the hell drug?  On March 9th they were going to defrost my frozen eggs and fertilize them using ICIS.  However, my appointment on the 2nd didn't go well, so they pushed everything back a week.  (Just once I'd love to be on the schedule they put me on to start!) So, March 16th they defrosted 3 of my eggs and tried to fertilize them with ICIS.  I've only had two attempted fertilizations before and I didn't sleep a wink the night my babies were being created;  That night, I slept fine.  You see, the embryologist had called me earlier that day and told me that upon defrosting those first three eggs that he saw that they, "didn't look good."  He asked my permission to defrosting the other 2 eggs and try and ICIS them all.  I hesitatingly told him no, that we would continue as per our plan; defrost 3, try to fertilize them and if 1 or less fertilized, try again with the other two.  Whatever fertilized they would transfer to me, so we were a little leery to try and fertilize five and possibly have to transfer five; hence our plan.  My hopes were not hight.  
Well, all our planning was for naught.  The first three didn't fertilize and when they defrosted the other 2 the didn't survive so the didn't even bother to ICIS them.    A month of not being myself for nothing.

So here I am, waiting to start cycle, what are we up to, 1 complete and 2 almosts, so 2.1?  The good news is that this time I'm taking part in a drug trial, so part of my cost, for all the drugs, will be deferred.  But, as usual I'm not "typical".  I was supposed to start my new drug on March 10 to start the next cycle, but here I sit, waiting to ovulate.  The excitement of it all, right?  Seriously, just once, can't I be normal?!?  My doctor claims that all the drugs I've been on have really wrecked my cycle, and that there is no reason for me to worry.  Easy for them to say, right?  TJ will be 4 this July and I have the clock tick tick ticking away in my head.  My brother and I are 5 years apart, and I've always thought that we could have been closer it we were closer in age.  Not that we aren't close, but we were never in school together, and when he got interesting I went away to college.  UGH!  I just don't want my little boy to be 10 with a baby in the house!

Well I guess I'll let you all know when I ovulate, and maybe later this week I'll post about something happier, like all the cool stuff I've made later.  

1 comment:

RockandrollBride said...

Sorry to hear, hon. As always, I am amazed at your patience and persistence. It's not every woman who can be as strong as you are.

Thank you for sharing :-)