Irritation

It's late and I really shouldn't be doing this right now.  But I really needed to get something off my chest.  When people think of IVF now, this is what they are going to think of.  

I have reached the point now where I am OK with doing IVF.  I was a result of fertility drug.  Never once have I every questioned whether or not I should be here.  My Mother did what she needed to do, albeit not as drastic as what I'm having to do, but still necessary.  For this women to cause other people to now look at me differently because of my choice, makes me sick.  Before, people were just uninformed by what was entailed in the process.  Now they are still uninformed, but they have this wacko's story to back-up their own misconceptions.  

I start the drugs tomorrow to begin my second IVF cycle.  We are using my own frozen oocytes this time, so the process will be a little easier on me, but we have less of a chance of it working.  I'm trying to take it one day at a time, but stories like this are making it almost impossible.

  

CPSIA Delayed!

At least there was some good news this week!

From the Etsy Blog:

Breaking News: The CPSIA Mandatory Testing & Certification Proposed 1 Year Suspension

We are so excited to announce that the Commission has voted for a "Stay of Enforcement of Certain Testing and Certification Requirements of CPSIA" — which means that they are proposing a 1 year suspension of the burden of lead testing and certification while they take more time to review the rules and plan enforcement!  All of your hard work is paying off (for the time being at least!).  You wouldn't have to pay to do the certification and testing, though you are still liable if your products are found to have lead. We are so pleased that artisans and vintage sellers got their voices heard. Your hard work is not over; we must continue to play a role in advocating for small business people throughout the coming year.

"The action taken today provides breathing space to get in place some of the rules needed for implementation, but it should not be viewed as a full solution to the many problems that have been raised." —U.S. Consumer product Safety Commission

You'll find the press release below:

CPSC Grants One Year Stay of Testing and Certification Requirements for Certain Products

Washington, D.C. – The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission voted unanimously (2-0) to issue a one year stay of enforcement for certain testing and certification requirements for manufacturers and importers of regulated products, including products intended for children 12 years old and younger. These requirements are part of the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act (CPSIA), which added certification and testing requirements for all products subject to CPSC standards or bans.

Significant to makers of children’s products, the vote by the Commission provides limited relief from the testing and certification requirements which go into effect on February 10, 2009 for new total lead content limits (600 ppm), phthalates limits for certain products (1000 ppm), and mandatory toy standards, among other things. Manufacturers and importers – large and small – of children’s products will not need to test or certify to these new requirements, but will need to meet the lead and phthalates limits, mandatory toy standards and other requirements.

The decision by the Commission gives the staff more time to finalize four proposed rules which could relieve certain materials and products from lead testing and to issue more guidance on when testing is required and how it is to be conducted.

The stay will remain in effect until February 10, 2010, at which time a Commission vote will be taken to terminate the stay.

The stay does not apply to:

• Four requirements for third-party testing and certification of certain children’s products subject to:

  • The ban on lead in paint and other surface coatings effective for products made after December 21, 2008;

  • The standards for full-size and non full-size cribs and pacifiers effective for products made after January 20, 2009;

  • The ban on small parts effective for products made after February 15, 2009; and

  • The limits on lead content of metal components of children’s jewelry effective for products made after March 23, 2009.

• Certification requirements applicable to ATV’s manufactured after April 13, 2009.

• Pre-CPSIA testing and certification requirements, including for: automatic residential garage door openers, bike helmets, candles with metal core wicks, lawnmowers, lighters, mattresses, and swimming pool slides; and

• Pool drain cover requirements of the Virginia Graeme Baker Pool & Spa Safety Act.

The stay of enforcement provides some temporary, limited relief to the crafters, children’s garment manufacturers and toy makers who had been subject to the testing and certification required under the CPSIA. These businesses will not need to issue certificates based on testing of their products until additional decisions are issued by the Commission. However, all businesses, including, but not limited to, handmade toy and apparel makers, crafters and home-based small businesses, must still be sure that their products conform to all safety standards and similar requirements, including the lead and phthalates provisions of the CPSIA.

Handmade garment makers are cautioned to know whether the zippers, buttons and other fasteners they are using contain lead. Likewise, handmade toy manufacturers need to know whether their products, if using plastic or soft flexible vinyl, contain phthalates.

The stay of enforcement on testing and certification does not address thrift and second hand stores and small retailers because they are not required to test and certify products under the CPSIA. The products they sell, including those in inventory on February 10, 2009, must not contain more than 600 ppm lead in any accessible part. The Commission is aware that it is difficult to know whether a product meets the lead standard without testing and has issued guidance for these companies that can be found on our Web site.

The Commission trusts that State Attorneys General will respect the Commission's judgment that it is necessary to stay certain testing and certification requirements and will focus their own enforcement efforts on other provisions of the law, e.g. the sale of recalled products.

Please visit the CPSC Web site at www.cpsc.gov/about/cpsia/cpsia.html for more information on all of the efforts being made to successfully implement the CPSIA.

Negative - I don't know if I can go through it all again.  What if it's not meant to be?

Now We Play The Waiting Game...

Eh, the waiting game sucks, lets play Hungry Hungry Hippos.  

My transfer was last Wednesday and I don't get to take my office pregnancy until this Monday, so needless to say, anything I can do to keep my brain busy is a blessing.  Ever since I became a Mom I've been making things.  There's a cute Winnie the Pooh rug outside my son's room that I started years earlier, but I didn't finish until shortly after he was born, I guess you could say I had some free time on my hands.  It's evolved some since then.  I think since I don't work anymore my making things is my own way to contribute to the family in a way that's just for them.  I've made both my husband and son cross stitch Christmas stockings and have been in the process of making a tree skirt since last year that I'm hoping will be done by next Christmas.  I've also been making my family's Halloween costumes since we moved to Pa.  

With my new search for things too keep my brain busy, I've been on blogger.com a bunch thanks to all my blog feeds being here.  I got to read all that Threadbanger.com and BurdaStyle.com had to offer.  Those two fantastic website have led me to crafty bloggers by the tons.  [Not to ignore my two great friends whos blogs I also get to read, but we're talking about crafting here =) ] So I've been led to some great blogs like, Just Tutes, The Purl Bee, purse-onality, Kender Crafts, and Cotton Monster News.  All of these sites have really got my juicing flowing!  So although I've been making stuff for awhile, it's time to start blogging about it.  I've already blogged a little bit about the only Christmas presents I sewed this year.  I'm happy to report that not only did they fit the girls pretty good, but they loved them!

So with the Winter strongly with us, I've been pushing fleece to the max!  I don't know if you've ever tried to buy gloves or mittens for a three year old, but it's virtually impossible to find ones that actually fit.  So thanks to Just Tutes I made my son some awesome mittens, that I can actually get on him and he likes to wear!  But I just couldn't stop there.  For sometime I now I've been making my son monsters.  

   '

There really is no better toy than one that comes from your own sewing matching.  Well, he loves them so much it got me thinking, how about Monster mittens?  So on BurdaStyle I found a pattern for mittens, and me being me, I had to make test mittens first.  And as a semi first, I made them for me.

  

Good thing too, since they boys were a pain since they were so much smaller.  Unfortunately, the pictures don't do them any justice, and they look a little ragged at this point since my son has been enjoying wearing them so much, but he's constantly getting compliments on them, and if there's one thing my son likes, it having a reason to talk to people.

  

I should never have made myself the cammo mittens, because I started a, "what can I make for myself next?" kick.  

Christmas three years ago, I made my husband and two of his brothers, fleece pj pants.  Then I edited the pattern a little and made myself awesome Trix flannel pj pants.  So I knew the pattern was usable for me, and with the Eagles game coming up, I knocked these out in an evening.

Too bad the Eagles lost, but we won't talk about that.

And lastly, well most recent I guess, I found this great tutorial for glittens.  I luckily found some cool fleece at Jo-Ann's, and my new glittens were born.

  

  

I did things a little different than she did.  I made my thumb slits in the side seams so there would be more seam allowance to sew the thumbs back on with, and I handstiched my top piece to the bottom piece rather can cutting a slit in the mitten.  I also haven't really decided on my closure for keeping the top up, but I'm sure it'll come to me one of the days I'm wearing them.

Oh, I almost forgot.  I added a new monster to my son's posse!  I can't go making so much for myself without giving a little love to the boy.

  

Well I hope you enjoyed looking at all the stuff I've been making to keep myself busy as heck.  There's more to come, I promise! =)

Retrieval Day

So yesterday was my retrieval day and it went really well.  They were able to get 13 eggs from me!!!  We got to the office at 7, with me packing Tom's contribution inside my coat - gotta keep it warm.  The whole thing is such a surreal experience - Thomas coming into existence didn't involve nearly as many people.  We barely had to wait at all before I was brought into the suite where the retrieval was being done.  They asked me the usual pre-surgery questions and I finally got to meet head of the Lab - a very nice man - who walked me through the process again and we firmed up exactly how many eggs we would try and fertilize, 3.  Then the anesthesiologist came in.  Now we were trying to be as grown up as possible, but as soon as he left I mouthed to Tom, "Hans Moleman."  We both almost completely lost it.  I guess Tom and I were among the more talkative people that go through this process.  The nurse kept going on about how nuts we are, and all we were doing was talking about names.  Of course Tom's favorites are names like, Donovan, Brian, Quintin Michael, Joselio, picking up a theme?  Then it was one more bathroom trip for me, I got to kiss Tom goodbye, and off to the room with the fancy stir-ups.  This was my 6th surgery where I needed to be put out and every time they do it they make you count down or up or something, I got nothing.  All of a sudden I saw this opaque white stuff go into my IV, and moments later I utter, "I guess I'm going out now, huh?"  Next thing I knew I was waking up and it was all over.  The nurse was surprise by how well I was doing after I woke up, but honestly after they told me they got 13 eggs I could have jogged home.

Later in the afternoon they called to tell me, of the three eggs they didn't try to fertilize, how many were mature and they were going to freeze.  Turns out 5 of them were mature and are being frozen.  This number actually made me a little nervous since we were told that none of the little ones might be good which is why we did three to try and fertilize - but all we could do now was wait and see.  I don't think I slept at all last night.  I had the most vivid dreams of all the possible outcomes of the ones they were trying to fertilize.  We knew it took about 14 hours for fertilization to take place and they would call us before 8am this morning to tell us how many of the three fertilized.  7:45 this morning the phone rang and I think I gave myself whiplash getting up to answer it.  Two of our eggs fertilized!!!!  

Now there are only a couple of more things to pray for - one, that the two eggs that fertilized continue to divide and grow properly and that at least one of them implants after tomorrow mornings transfer.  Then the waiting game really starts.  I'm pumped up with so many pregnancy hormones at the moment, I can't take my pregnancy test until 2 weeks after the transfer.  I feel a very clean house and a lot of sewing being done over the next two weeks to make time fly.

I keep reminding myself, God never gives a cross to bear larger than we can carry.

IVF 1.1

So it seems that try 1.1 was a semi-success and Monday morning is my retrieval!  What a long road it was to get her though.  I mentioned in an earlier post, what I went through for attempt number 1.  Well, now it's January 2009, and as promised, we've started again.  

Late in December, I had my first appointment and they checked to make sure that all the cysts were gone so we could start again with a clean slate.  Thankfully, everything was all clear and I got my instructions to stop the pill in a few days and come in for my first of many sets of blood work and ultrasound.  January 2 they took my baseline blood and ultrasound and the next day I finally started the stimulation phase.  I should probably take a step back here and explain the new method they were trying since my body didn't react to Lupron at all the way it was supposed to.  Usually they shut everything down with Lupron, then start your stimulation and then they do the retrieval.  However, in my case, they started the stimulation first.  During stimulation you get the wonderful pleasure of spending every day or every other day, going to the doctor to have blood work and ultrasound done.  So, after my second day of two injections a day, Low dose HCG in the morning, and Gonal-F in the evening, I go for my first check-up.  Low and behold, the drugs are working!  I was so afraid that something was horribly wrong with me, and none of these hormone altering drugs were going to have any effect on me.  About those wonderful drugs - I have never felt worse in my entire life, then I did the first 24 hours on those drugs.  Here I was worrying about the menopausal effects that the Lupron would have  Those were NOTHING compared to thee hell of the HCG and Gonal F.  Also, I was supposed to behave as if I was pregnant.  That meant none of the drugs I usually take, especially my migraine medicine, Imitrex.  Well the problem with that is that one of the main side effects of both those medicines is migraines and by 5 o'clock the first day on them, I had one of the worse migraines of my life!  I tried all my old drug-free migraine remedies and none of them worked.  Crying hysterically in a hot shower, I finally broke down and gave myself an imitriex injection.  The doctor had said that I would "do what you have to do"  and honestly I would not have survived the last week without my imitrex.  I couldn't, in good conscience, torture one child with his mom strapped to the sofa, trying to make another one.  Thankfully, as the week when on I did feel much better, headache wise anyway.  I feel like someone strapped a spare tire to my belly, but that's what yoga pants were made for.

So, I go in for my first check-up and the drugs are working, but already, one of the follicles in my right ovary had pulled ahead of the pack.  My nurse said we'd watch it, but worse case, we wouldn't be able to use that ovary.  I had my next appointment on Wednesday, and that's when things started to head down hill.  During Wednesday's ultra sound, the big follicle in the right was bigger and now there was a pack leader in the left one too.  After checking my blood work and checking with the doctor they decided to keep me day-to-day but to add in my new "lupron" called ganarelix. (for you playing at home, we're now up to three injections a day)  And, to add insult to injury, I now have to go to the doctor every morning.  Have you ever tried to wake up a thee year-old at 7 for 4 days in a row to go to the doctor with you?  It's not pretty.  Thursday's appointment Tom decides to come with me, since we're no longer in the routine check-ups that we thought we'd be having at this point.  Usually, I only see a nurse in these check-ups, but Thursday my doctor walked in, so I knew I was in trouble.  After looking at the day's ultra sounds, we discussed our options.  Since I had a giant follicle in each ovary I could stop and start all over again, which would then mean we'd have to pay again for some of the process, which, by no stretch of the imagination would be cheap, or we could continue with the possibility of only retrieving 2 eggs.  We collectively decided to continue since we have no intention of freezing any embryos and all the eggs that we get to fertilize will be transferred.  But, we're still playing it day-to-day.  If the big guys get too big, we won't be able to use them either, because they would be over mature.  By Thursday night my husband and I are both a disaster.  This whole process has been so trying on us both, which has made us irritable and moody and not a whole lot of fun for our angel of a little boy to have to deal with.  Thankfully, by Friday things were looking up.  During Friday's ultrasound, our doctor said, "I amend yesterday's number, I think we'll be able to get at least 6."  The big ones weren't any bigger and the little ones were starting to catch up!  Go Ganarerlix!!  We now, tentatively, had a retrieval day of Monday!  Here's where my side of the story will differ from my husbands.  I had a different nurse and doctor this morning then I have had all week.  This is a doctor whom I have a little history with and it's not good.  Compared to the AMAZING doctors in my practice, she is mediocre.  Her bedside manner is harsh and she doesn't seem to care that having to be at an infertility doctor is one of the worst places people want to have to be, but I digress.  In talking with my Mom about today's events I do feel a little better about the whole thing, but basically the doctor I saw today said that she thinks we're only going to be able to get three.  So which is it, I ask?  I'm trying not to freak out until after the retrieval, but she told me some other upsetting news.  They will not be able to tell if an egg is mature until after they try to fertilize it.  But we were only planning on trying to fertilize 2, which could very easily mean that there could be no embryos to transfer. 

Today left me feeling less than excited that this whole ordeal is ever going to work.  Hopefully, they get three good eggs from me, hopefully, 2 of those eggs fertilize, hopefully 1 of those eggs implants in me and we get a healthy little baby.  The math teacher in me is rolling the numbers around in my head, and they don't feel good.  I can only hope that a few months from now, when I'm nice a pregnant and eating ice cream for breakfast, that I'll laugh about how I was freaking out about my odds, as I'm carrying twins....is that too much to hope for?

SAVE HANDMADE

Since I've become a stay-at-home Mom I've rediscovered my love of sewing.  My Mom taught me how when I was about 12 and she was sick of making me my Halloween costumes.  After making that first Halloween costume with her, a dog costume, my need for sewing waned.  I became an obnoxious teenager and making an animal costume wasn't really the in thing.  Back then, without the Internet, I didn't realize all the cool things that people make for themselves.  If I knew then when I know now, I would have spent a lot of time sewing in my teens!  Thankfully now, my little boy allows be to have some precious time in my sewing room, while he plays in his room.  And since his birth not only have I made things for him and my family, from elephant and clown costumes, to hats and pants, but I've also made things for a few of my friends as gifts.  I make a mean baby bib, cute layette and adorable hats and mittens.  But soon, I will be breaking the law. 

Due to all the problems with lead and other horrendous things put in children's toys The Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act has been established and takes effect at the end of this month.  Now, it's all in legal-ease but to the best of my understanding it mandates third-party testing and certification for all toys and requires toy makers to permanently label each toy with a date and batch number. Which is beyond fine and understandable for all the mass marketed toys that are made in China, which is most of them.  I was one of those Moms checking all of her sons toys against the list of recalled toys last year, and he has 40 Pixar Cars!!  (Thank goodness I never allowed any Thomas The Train crap in my house!) It was scary and the fact that it became such an epidemic is insane!  The act covers more than just toys too, it regulates all products for children under 12.  Clothing, school supplies, cloth diapers, car seats, --everything.  But what the CPSIA has ignored, is all the individuals out there that make wonderful things for children with their hands.  The irresponsibility of  mass-market toy makers is being solved with a one-size-fits-all solution for dozens of industries totally unrelated to toys.  I really don't even mean myself here, there are thousands of people out there who help to support themselves and their family by making things for children.  I know what joy I get from making things for my son, friends and family, and this one blanket of an act should not be fixing the huge and incompetent by effecting the small and heartfelt.  

If you're better at reading legal-ease here's the CPSIA's website, and here's the Handmade Toy Alliance.  And here is were you can Vote for a change!!

So it's a good thing I'm all done with these because if I was giving them to the girls any later, they're be black market night gowns! 

Thanks for listening to my rant.  I'm not even sure if I made any sense, but the whole thing just gets my nerve up!

A Christmas "Getting to Know You" Questionnaire

Welcome to the Christmas edition of getting to know your friends. Okay, here’s what you’re supposed to do, and try not to be a SCROOGE!!! Just copy this and paste onto your blog.Change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then tag other bloggers, and then comment here and tell me you did it so I can learn something new about you……Tis the Season to be NICE!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper, but I'm forced to use both because every gift my son has gotten for his entire life came in freaking bags and I just can't throw away perfectly good bags!!  (Do I sound bitter?) 

2. Real tree or Artificial? Real or else I'd have to find some place to store it

3. When do you put up the tree? Next weekend, if I'm lucky - How do you have yours up already?!?

4. When do you take the tree down? Our record is 3 weeks after - I don't recommend it

5. Do you like eggnog? Sure

6. Favorite gift received as a child? my Lego monorail - I can't wait till Thomas is old enough for Legos!!

7. Hardest person to buy for? My husband

8. Easiest person to buy for? My Son

9. Do you have a nativity scene? Yupper, got a beautiful one from my Mother-in-law for a wedding gift - bonus of getting married 4 days before Christmas, I've got Christmas stuff coming out of my ears!

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail...newsletter, I should probably write it at some point soon!  

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? jewelry, but I don't want to say from whom in case they stumble upon my blog ;)

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? They Year Without a Santa Clause, but really love them all, especially anything Rankin & Bass!!

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Thanks to Christmas stuff going up right after Halloween, I've got a good chunk done. 

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Hell Yes!!  I used to be a teacher after all.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? My Mom's cheese cake!!!

16. Lights on the tree? Yup

17. Favorite Christmas song? Angels We Have Heard on High - even had them play it during out wedding mass.  See #9

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Traveling to NY, as usual.

19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer’s? I'm just going to use Izzysmom's answer here Dasher, Dancer, Donner, Blitzen, Comet, Cupid, Prancer and Vixen? And of course Rudolph =)

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Star

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or Christmas morning? Christmas morning

22. Most annoying part about this time of year? Since I've moved to PA the whole mall situation is much easier, so I rather enjoy it all, except, of course, for the Christmas music starting Nov 1!

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? I love this ornament that my mother has, it spins when you put it over one of the Christmas tree lights.  When my grandmother passed away I learned that she had the same ornament and my Mother gave it to me.  Thanks Bub

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? The Baileys Irish Cream!

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? Just time with my Toms

26. 5 Bloggers I am tagging to pass along the Christmas spirit? Well since I got this from Izzysmom and she passed it to LadySarene already, I'm going to have to live vicariously (How do you tag people anyway?)  

Success??

It may have finally happened.  I've been battling with Thomas over the whole potty training issue for what feels like forever!  If you put him on the potty he will pee, and recently, even though I vowed against it, he'll pee standing up.  It's hysterical to watch with him not quite being tall enough, but it makes peeing easier for him and he doesn't have to strip naked, which he usually does anyway.  The real battle with him has been over #2.  In the beginning we'd just follow a routine.  we'd put him on the potty when he woke up in the morning, before and after nap time, and before bath time.  We weren't concerned with weather or not he went in his diaper in the in between time, just about making him understand that going to the bathroom is just a regular part of the day.   Sometime he was really good and the diaper would be seemingly dry, other times I'd wonder how such a little kid could pee so much in one little diaper!  But he would never poop in the potty and we've been putting him on it for months.  There was that one time, but that was an accident and he was more surprised than anyone.  A couple of weeks ago we, however, we had a real breakthrough.  For an entire weekend, Thomas pooped on the potty.  Tom would see that he needed to go, put him on the toilet and there was great success.  So I thought we had finally turned a corner, how silly of me.  Come Monday morning, when Daddy was at work and just me was trying to get him on the toilet for #2 all hell broke loose!!!  That's when Thomas started to devise he newest trick, other than hiding from me when he was off pooping in his diaper.  He would fight, kick and scream and you would finally get him to sit on the toilet, rather than just stand there to pee.  He would make a tiny deposit and gleefully accept all his accolades and his special bag of m&m' he gets for not pooping in his diaper, then my little cherub would go off and finish the job in his diaper.  Oh what fun that was!  And that's how things went for awhile so I stopped fighting with him to get him to use the potty.  But when he did poop I wouldn't just up right away to change him, so maybe he'd start to see that using the toilet is a much better alternative than his pants.  

I slowly started to make some more little changes.  We live in a very small house with only one bathroom (we don't count the free standing toilet in the basement), so I moved his little potty seat out of the bathroom and put in down in the kitchen, just so he'd see that it didn't have to be a production when he had to go.  Around the same time Thomas stumbled upon an Elmo game online that when on about something like, when you got to go, go, and you can continue what you were doing when you're done.  Thomas loved it and starting talking about it all the time.  Keep in mind we have a whole bunch of potty books and videos that he could care less about, but Elmo apparently has the magic touch.  Since he was talking about it so much I decided to focus on peeing and teaching him to hold it until he was on, or in front of, the potty.  I had bought him Cars pull-ups months ago, another lame attempt to get him to use the toilet more, right up there with is camo and Spider-man underwear that also had no effect.  I decided it was time to try them again, but this time I made a game out of it.  The front of the diapers have either a Piston Cup or a helicopter on it that when you pee would disappear, and Thomas LOVED to make them disappear.  But I told him that if there were there whenever I checked he'd get a sticker, and low and behold, it worked!!  He even started showing me the front of his diaper and say, "See Mommy, there's still there!"  Through all this I also told him not to poop in the pull-up because honestly they're even more expensive than diapers.  He was doing a good job with all this, he even reached the point that after he'd pee on the potty he'd ask for a regular diaper afterwards since I guess he knew another deposit was coming. 

Over Thanksgiving(s) I had decided that I was just going to have to lie come time to sign Thomas up for preschool in February!  I was ready to tell them his was potty trained and when the first day of school rolled around I'd pray that he actually was potty trained or I'd lie though my teeth the first day he had an "accident".  I know, I'm a terrible mother =)

That was all until today, however.  This morning, Thomas asked where his potty was because, "I feel like I have to go potty."  So he he got himself set up and made a deposit!!!  Later in the afternoon he started to go in his pull up, but he feverishly ran to his toilet to finish up!  And just earlier, during his bath, he told his Daddy he felt like he had to go.  Thomas got out of the bathtub, waited for Tom to run downstairs and get his seat, and he pooped again!!!  

Looks like I might have to change the name of my blog soon =)

IVF

I have officially been in the IVF process for a little over a month today.  When Tom and I first found out that IVF was our only option left to try and have more children, I was devastated.  My greatest fear for a very large part of my life was that I would be unable to have children.  I had an idiotic doctor once who told me I'd have problems just based on my Mother's difficulties to have me.  Then, along came Thomas.  I thought what fools doctors are while I cradled my beautiful like boy in my arms.  Fast forward two years, to when I'm "ready" to have another one and I have my ectopic.  My ectopic was by no means fun, and I know that Ectopic pregnancy remains the leading cause of pregnancy-related death in the first trimester of pregnancy.  However, my doctor led Tom and I to believe that there would be no issues with my remaining tube and getting pregnant.  Oh how wrong he was.  Without going into too much horrid details here,  without major surgery that would put me in bed for six weeks, with a colostomy bag for my healing time, and the possibility of needing one for the rest of my life, and the whole thing  not even necessarily working, IVF is our only option.  Cost aside, it took me a long time after finding out that it was our option to determine if it was an option for me.  My deciding factor was one afternoon a few weeks after we found out, Thomas woke up from his nap and opened the gate at the top of the steps all by himself.  In the course of six seconds my brain went through the following thoughts, "I guess we can take the gate down, since Thomas obviously can get down here without it.  Oh, I'll just leave it up for the next kid.  Oh wait, I can't have anymore kids."  Then I started to cry.  It was at that moment I realized the thought of not having any more children upset me much more then IVF made me uncomfortable.  After my decision I had to wait a month before I could start my monitoring month.  The month leading up, I was a mess.  When I was in a good mode, I was okay with my decision.  When I was upset, about anything, and that was pretty often, I would start to doubt and worry and make myself even more of a  mess.  Surprisingly, once the monitoring month started I was OK.  I figured the day I started I'd have a panic attack and spend the day curled up on my bathroom floor, but I was OK.  I guess the fear of the unknown was making the waiting hard, not what I was waiting for.  My monitoring month was pretty easy, I guess they can monitor from afar.  I took birth control for a couple of weeks, to make me more regular, and then I started my lupron ejections, to put me into medical menopause.  I was told by one of my nurses that lupron is the "evil" drug.  It causes all the things that make menopause fun, acne, weight gain, hot flashes and the mecca of side effects, mood swings.  I was very worried about what the lupron would do to my mood.  Tom and I even came up with a safety word he could yell at me if I really started to loose it.  So every morning I would wake up and give myself 10 units of Lupron in my upper thigh.  Well, the first few days Tom gave me the actually shot.  I had set everything up but was too afraid to stick it in.  Tom did an excellent job, and within a couple of days I was able to do the whole thing myself.  After a few days I was impressed by how well I was holding together.  I had a couple of hot flashes, but I was actually feeling like I was in better control of my mood, I felt more even.  After a week on the drug I had my first doctor appointment and I did not get good news.  I had developed 10 cysts and they had to double my dose.  So much for my monitoring month being over and simulation starting the next day.  My daily routine continued for another week, only now I'm was taking 20 units.  Still my mood was okay, and I realized that my hot flashes were less if I didn't get aggravated.  A week later I had another appointment and the news was even worse.  Most of the cysts had gone away but one got gigantic.  Apparently, this was all normal-ish.  It has happened to women before and both the nurse and doctor assured me that this by no means means I can't do IVF it just means they have to switch things up.  It turns out that the Lupron was just passing right though me and not reducing my estrogen level like it's supposed to, hence the lack of insanity.  However, they need to get rid of all the cysts before they can continue the process.  Since my estrogen levels were still too high they decided to take the route where I have to go back on birth control and basically start from scratch.  But by the time I'd be ready to try a new menopause causing drug we'll be in the middle of December and that's when the office shuts down for two weeks for the holidays and there can be no embryo transfers during that time.  So what does that mean for me?  It means that IVF won't be starting for me until January of 2009, 2 1/2 months after the process has officially started and more than 3 months after I decided to do this in the first place.  I was hoping to be six weeks pregnant by then.  

If the waiting wasn't hard enough, my husbands entire family treating me with kid gloves just pushes me over the edge!  Guess what people, it I wasn't strong enough to get though all this  I wouldn't have chosen this option.  Just because you aren't strong enough, doesn't mean I'm not.  My biggest problem with this is you all treating me like I can't handle anything, and time.

I keep telling myself I'll be okay once I'm pregnant...

I'm so proud of him!

Last night, when I went to check on Thomas before going to bed myself, I found one of his smurfs books under his head and his little book light on his nightstand.  When I left him after his story at bedtime, the book was on the nightstand and his book light was in the drawer.  I'd never have guesses that my three year-old would be staying up late to read, but he's obviously trying. 

 

I know he wants to be able to read and spell so bad.  Whenever we're out he reads out letters he sees and guess what they say.  I'm trying to help him as much as I can.  Yesterday, we went to Michael's and Thomas asked what store we were going into.  I said, "The one with the 'M'" to which he correctly pointed to, "that one?"  

I guess instead of pushing him so much with socialization and athletics, I should focus my efforts more on teaching him to read - the others will come eventually, at his own pace.  After all, during gym and swim class he can do what is asked of him but he's usually too busy checking out everyone and everything else to hear the request in the first place.  

He's allegedly good in his zoo class - allegedly because it's a "mommy free" class and his teachers always tell me he's so good.  But in this class he does what he loves - sucking in the entire world around him and the zoo is an amazing place for that! 

Now, the real question - How does a mom with a math background, who can barely read or spell herself (spell check is one of my best friends!), start to teach her son to read?  

This past week he thought he wrote his name on our chalkboard. H-O-T.  "Look Mommy, Thomas"  (he can't quite write the M, A, or S without help yet.)  I explained to him that he actually wrote 'hot' and then I wrote his own name out so he could see what it was supposed to look like.  Well later that week while having lunch with Daddy, Thomas says, "Look, hot!"  Tom and I searched the walls of the chotchkie restaurant we were in and there it was, a big, flaming sign that said HOT.  Since he took that one board experience so well, yesterday I broke out some old flashcards we used to use when he was learning to talk.  They have pictures and the word of the picture right under it.  i.e., a picture of a kite and then K-I-T-E under it.  We went though some and he sounded like quite the little spelling bee champ.  "Bird, B-I-R-D, Bird"  But what do I do other than that and read to him all the time like we already do?

Note:  Apparently, when Tom got home tonight and he went to check on Thomas, the book light was on at the foot of Thomas bed and Tom put it on the night stand.  My story still holds, he's just not old enough to turn the light off yet. =)

Twilight - Spoiler Alert

Hey everyone! I haven't used this in a while, but let's give it another swing. I'm pretty much stealing this from an email I wrote earlier, but at least it's something, right?

So last night at 12:01, well actually 12:30 am, but I'm blocking that part out, I saw the new movie Twilight. I've been a big fan of the series since I started reading the first book, Twilight, in August of '07.

I LOVED IT!! and I'm honestly shocked that I did. I'm sure my friend Betsy was waiting for me to start yelling at the screen a la Indian Jones 4, but I was good. (well as long as you don't count the teenager I told to stick it, but give me a minute on that) I'll admit there were parts that I thought were cheesy and I didn't like how they seemed a little redundant trying to drive some points home, like how much he over-acted how bad she smelled or how he seemed a little odd sucking the venom from her at the end. I know there were more, but I'll remember more on more sleep and a second viewing. I really was expecting the worst. I absolutely hate it when really good books are destroyed on film. Cinder House Rules was an amazing book - the movie - shit soup. Ask anyone, and they'll tell you I hoped the movie didn't suck, but was pretty sure it was going to. So I think I was a pretty hard person to please and, for the most part, the movie did the book and, more importantly, the feeling the book gave me, justice.

There was one thought that I had a couple of time during the movie, and seems I wasn't the only one. Will people who haven't read the books get it? And I guess, from the reviews, they didn't. But honestly, how "serious" a movie can you have about two "teenagers" in love when one of them is undead?!?!? This review gives a total overview of all the reviews -not that I read reviews (don't even get me started on Babel?) I just think all the really bad reviews out there came from people who didn't get it.

One of my biggest disappointments was the meadow scene. If the fact that they just wandered away from school didn't bother me enough, what was with all the spinning camera "artistic" crap! That meadow plays such an important part in the the next book. What will she search for to prove that Edward was real if the spot he first glittered in is right up the hill from her school?

Biggest surprise for me - I really thought Kristen was going to suck, and not in a good way. Every time I saw a preview, I didn't think she did a believable job, but, excluding her babbling in the hospital bed, I was pleasantly surprised.

A friend pointed out that one of the problems that the movie might have had was that it is hard to capture the cheesiness of the book, good lovey, dovey cheesiness, without going over the top - maybe that's why it got so ripped up.

So about that teenager I may have been a bit snippy with...so Betsy, Cookie and I got to the theater just before 10. The plan was to pick up the tickets that Betsy got last week, and then go wander around to pass time until we could get into the theater. But it turned out that we could go into the theater right away. You know what that means - NO LINES!!! And honestly, I've spent enough of my life on line for Stephenie Meyers at this point!! So since were were there so early we got to pick THE MOST AMAZING SEATS EVER!!!! Dead center, and pretty close to the front, to Betsy's chagrin. We say right behind the handicapped section, so we had no seats in front of us, but still a bar to put our feet up on!!! And the most perfect part of that is that we cut off 1/4 of the teenagers we could be surrounded by, now they could only be behind us and next to us. I know I'm harping on the seat selection, but it's very important to the story and they were PERFECT!!! AND WE DIDN'T HAVE TO WAIT IN LINE FOR THEM!!! But anyway, at around 11:15 ish, remember, we've been there since 10, this girl asked us if we could all move down a seat!!!!!! Without missing a beat, I said, "We'd rather not, since we've already been here for an hour and a half" Now that doesn't sound like the worse thing I could have said but the girl made a face like I just told her to go f&*% herself and Betsy's mouth just opened, a gasp - So I guess I was a little bitchy about it =) But honestly, it's not like the theater was full, or we were asses and left one seat empty on the aisle. Betsy, having her wits about her after a second, pointed out that there were the 5 seats they were looking for right on the other side of us - so the girl I just told to stick it sat next to me for the whole movie. So am I the most terrible person in the world? I think I still have a lot a angst from the last time I waited on line for Ms. Meyers =)

So to sum up = read the book first, because honestly, it is amazing! Don't let all the teen drama surrounding it turn you off - some of my best friends are Twilight Moms =)

Basketball

Today we took the wee one to another FU basketball game. He's definitely good luck for us, second game, second FU away win for him. He's getting to be such a big boy. No stroller, just his bag of snacks and we were off. We even had to pay for him =(
The web is totally over taking my life. It was hard enough reading all the Twilight Books, but now I'm on the web talking about them, I need to find more hours in the day!

It's 2006?

Well how times flies!! Living in Oreland is still an adjustment. I never realized just how much of who I am was connected to my job. Don't get me wrong, I love him with all my heart - I just miss being needed by so many people. But Harvey is a complete shithole - I need to remember that I would be miserable if I were still there...
At least I'm getting more involved down here. He has his swim lessons and music class starting next week, and I have the hockey team. Or course I have to join a team far away but I took what I could get. Speaking of, I should hit the sheets in preparation for things tomorrow am...Wish me luck =)

One month left....

It is amazes to me just how fast time goes by. The little one sits up like a big boy, he's sprouted his first tooth and he "talks" up a storm - just like Mommy! He looks so much like me it's creepy - I look at this beautiful smiling face and I see a little bit of me smiling back! He has the most wonderful laugh too. No matter how I'm feeling, when I hear his full body laugh it makes everything okay!
I've been having some ups and downs. I never thought we would be at my parents' house for so long. Or maybe I didn't think it would feel like so long. But the time has finally come - we are moving down to PA in the beginning of March! I never imagined that I would so be looking forward to moving away from all I've ever known. I know it's time for me to go, it's time for me to make my own family and not hang on to the "family" that I am leaving. I have an amazing husband, and God gave us the most precious little angel - it's time for me to go and enjoy what I have, and not think about what I don't, that isn't going to change anything. I hope that the crappyness that I feel now will go away when we move. The last thing I want is to rub off poorly on my little one.... everything isn't miserable and I shouldn't always be afraid... I know I was much better living on my own before, so I'm sure that when that time comes again I'll start to get better. I like myself better then. I can't believe that I was so lucky to find Tom and to have the little one - I didn't think I deserved something so great - and sometimes I still don't...